I am the parent of a newly diagnosed boy with ASD. He is my third child and is verbal, presents with some behavioral challenges along with many neat qualities as well. How can I explain autism to friends and family and ultimately to my son?

Answered by
Ashleigh O’Connor, BSpHSc, Grad Cert (Autism), MEd (ABA), BCBA, CBA
Mosaic Early Intervention in New South Wales, Australia
David Celiberti, PhD, BCBA-D
Association for Science in Autism Treatment

Editors’ Note: This installment of ASAT’s Clinical Corner column has been adapted from an article authored by Ashleigh O’Connor and can be found here. Please peruse the Mosaic website for other blogs as well.
how can i explain autism to my child, friends and family

Photographed by Timur Weber (pexels.com)

Thank you for asking this question, as it’s an important inquiry with many layers. If you’ve recently learned that your child has autism spectrum disorder (ASD), you may be experiencing a mix of emotions, wondering about the significance of this new diagnosis, what it might involve, and how to explain autism to your child and his siblings. When presented with the task of explaining the diagnosis to others, you might find yourself worrying about the best timing for sharing it with your child, family, and friends.

In this article, we will explore some concerns commonly shared by parents during this phase (Crane et al., 2012) and provide guidance drawn from our experience in supporting families through this transition. As you will read, cultivating empathy, promoting open communication, learning from trusted sources, and building a strong support network for both you and your child can be beneficial. It could also serve as common threads that run through how you approach the when, how, and why in your conversations about autism. Our aim is to provide practical advice and strategies to help you navigate the diagnosis effectively. You will also find links to a wide array of ASAT’s resources below that will help you learn more about autism.

Process the Diagnosis Yourself First if Necessary

Receiving an ASD diagnosis for your child can be unexpected and overwhelming. One of the initial steps you can take is to allow yourself some time for the news to settle in before discussing it broadly with others. Coming to terms with the diagnosis may involve various actions, such as seeking accurate, high-quality information and resources to gain a deeper understanding of what it entails. Consulting with a healthcare specialist knowledgeable about autism and evidence-based practices can provide valuable guidance. In addition, make space for processing your emotions, which could include sharing your feelings and thoughts with a close family member, friend, counsellor, or another parent of a child with ASD. For some parents, engaging in activities like walks or other stress-relief techniques can help manage this newly learned information. Deciding when — or if — to share the diagnosis is a highly personal choice that can differ from one family to another, depending on individual circumstances. Take the time you need.

Understand the Basics of ASD

how to explain autism graphicBefore sharing the diagnosis with family and friends, it may be helpful to develop a greater understanding of ASD. This includes learning about common areas of difficulty, such as social and communication challenges, repetitive behaviors, and sensory sensitivities. It’s also important to recognize that certain situations or environmental factors—often referred to as “triggers”—can lead to distress or behavioral responses in children with autism. Understanding what these triggers may be, if any, can help in anticipating and managing them effectively. In addition, it’s valuable to learn about strategies that support children with autism in developing essential coping and communication skills and overcoming obstacles, become a discerning consumer amid the wide range of treatment options (many of which, unfortunately, lack scientific support), and become familiar with the roles of different professionals on a multidisciplinary team.

At this stage, you may not have all the details about how the diagnosis specifically impacts your child now and in the future. However, developing a general understanding of ASD will be foundational to talking about autism with others. One of the most important things to share is that ASD manifests differently in every individual, with significant variations in symptoms and severity. Sharing this point sets the stage for discussing your son’s unique experience.

Share Information Specific to Your Son’s ASD Diagnosis

Once you feel more knowledgeable about ASD, you will be better positioned to discuss how ASD specifically affects your son. This discussion can include highlighting his strengths, discussing areas where he may face challenges, and celebrating his individuality. For example, you might explain how certain triggers, sensory sensitivities, or communication difficulties impact his daily life, while also sharing his unique talents or interests. Striking that balance is key.

As you learn more about the specialized support that would be beneficial to your son, such as early intervention services, applied behavior analysis, speech therapy, or occupational therapy, you can talk with loved ones about these services and resources. Sharing recommendations from your healthcare practitioner or other trusted sources can also help family and friends better understand autism and how they can support you and your son. It is important to keep in mind that you need not share everything in a single conversation, nor does everyone you speak with about your child’s diagnosis need in-depth information.

Share Suggested Ways to Interact with Your Son

When discussing your child’s diagnosis with others, it would be helpful to share information about meaningful and effective ways to interact with your son. This explanation might include important information about his routines, goals, and what you are working on, as well as his interests and strengths. Suggestions on how to establish rapport could also be very helpful.

In some instances, you may also like to mention any dos and don’ts when it comes to interacting with your son (e.g., he may find physical contact aversive until he becomes more comfortable; he loves everything related to jungle animals; loud noise scares him, including gum chewing; and bring your sneakers, he loves soccer). Of course, as will be discussed later in this article, the suggestions and examples provided would vary from person to person (e.g., grandma, next-door neighbor, sibling). Again, think of these as a series of small conversations. We have no doubt that your son has many wonderful qualities, so be sure to help others see that as well.

Explaining Autism to Your Son

Your question, albeit brief, brings up several points to consider. Although we do not know your son in depth or his age, you noted that he has some verbal language skills. When discussing ASD with your child, the approach may vary depending on his age, abilities, and overall level of understanding. A great way to begin is by balancing the conversation by incorporating positive aspects of his diagnosis. Highlight unique traits and strengths that make him special. You can also share stories to illustrate his uniqueness, mentioning that these traits are common in individuals with ASD. If you, as a parent or caregiver, also have ASD, sharing your positive experiences can be helpful for your child’s understanding. It’s all about framing the autism diagnosis in a positive way so he doesn’t feel fearful or concerned. It’s important to gently introduce the areas where your child might need extra support. You can explain that he may need help from various specialists and providers, which can make him feel more comfortable with the idea.

The timing for discussing the ASD diagnosis with your child depends on various factors, such as his age, readiness to comprehend the diagnosis, self-awareness, and other individual personality traits. In the case of a young child, you might opt to wait until they’re older and better equipped to comprehend it. Alternatively, you might choose to introduce the topic in a simplified and more limited way, focusing on clear and recurring behaviors, like difficulty sharing or staying calm when upset, that your child can easily recognize in themselves. Understanding ASD may require multiple conversations, as your child may have many questions. It’s advisable to explore resources to gain a solid understanding of the basics so that you can effectively share this information with your child if needed. Hopefully, trusted professionals will also be available to support you and address any questions you may have.

What and how to tell your son about autism is deeply personal. Here are a few things you might like to consider when discussing the diagnosis with him:

    • Start with the basics, emphasizing how your son’s autism manifests and that there is help available, particularly if those services and supports are already in place.
    • Use positive language in a relaxed and warm tone so that your son has a more positive experience, not just around the content but also the flow of the conversation. For example, instead of using words like ‘deficit’ or ‘lacking,’ you could say ‘challenge’ or ‘rough patch.’ It may be helpful for your son to hear that you, too, experience things that are hard (like meeting new people or a fear of dogs).
    • Highlight the positive aspects or traits, whether it’s simply pointing them out, telling a story, or providing an example of his strengths. In a related vein, it would be fine to share some of your own unique qualities as well.
    • As mentioned above, describe what help or services you may seek out for your child, so they understand there will be extra support on hand. Frame this help with hopefulness and with a reminder that the providers are on his side (e.g., “Miss Amy, your OT, is like a coach who knows a lot about helping kids learn to write. Just like your older sister has to go to soccer practice three days a week, practice writing also helps you as well.”).
    • Reading children’s books can also be a valuable way to explain what ASD is and how it can affect different children. It offers a unique approach to helping your child understand this new information. As mentioned in our introduction, you will find many helpful resources hyperlinked below.
    • You may like to discuss other people that you know who have autism, or even some famous celebrities. When talking about other individuals with autism, it may be helpful to emphasize that no two individuals with autism are the same.
    • Some parents might say things like the diagnosis makes the child a little bit like a superhero, highlighting the positives of their diagnosis rather than the challenges, while also emphasizing that even a superhero can run into some rough patches.
    • Invite questions and check in for understanding. Clarify any messages that may not have landed as you intended and revisit at a later time as needed.

Who Tells/Where to Tell

You may want to tell your child about their diagnosis when they are at home or somewhere familiar, so they feel comfortable. It’s best to choose a time when you are both relaxed and calm. Creating a comfortable and safe environment for the conversation will help your child feel more confident in hearing about their diagnosis.

As a parent, you might choose to be the one to inform your child, or you could involve one of your providers in the discussion. The benefit of having a professional present is their expertise, which allows them to address any questions that may arise and offer additional information as needed. Ultimately, the decision should be based on what you believe will be most effective for your son.

Who Else Needs to Know

You mentioned that you have at least two other children and we encourage you to think carefully about how you talk about autism with them as well as about autism in their presence. Keep in mind that your phone conversations are often in earshot of siblings who may pick up on some of your concerns and worries. We want to share a quick and related story. The second author’s grandmother passed away in his home when he was five years old. He overheard his mother tell other family members and neighbors that the grandmother died after having prunes for lunch. For a few years, he harbored a fear that prunes were the cause of his grandmother’s death and frequently hid them from his father, and even on a few occasions threw out the box of prunes behind his parents’ backs. The takeaway is that the narratives you share with others may be easily overheard and misunderstood or misperceived by other children in the home. Aside from talking with your other children directly about autism, we also encourage you to ask them what they may already think about autism (if that term is familiar to them) or if they have any questions. Lastly, consider if the siblings may misuse some of the information shared (e.g., bring it up during conflicts with your son, overshare with others).

If your child is at daycare or school, you may wish to discuss the diagnosis with their educator or teacher to determine if any changes need to be made to accommodate their learning. Although we do not know the age of your son, for older children in particular, discussing who may need to know about their diagnosis is important for several reasons. First and foremost, it empowers the child to have agency over their own story and fosters a sense of control in a situation that may otherwise feel overwhelming. Additionally, by respecting their opinion and preferences, you build trust and open communication channels, allowing them to express their fears or concerns about potential negative reactions from peers. This consideration ensures that the child’s emotional well-being and self-esteem are protected, ultimately contributing to a more positive and supportive environment.

In one of the first author’s early professional experiences, a parent mentioned their child’s diagnosis to another parent in front of the child and their peers. The child became upset and asked their parent not to share their diagnosis with anyone else. In this instance, it was essential that everyone respect the child’s choice and continue to support them as they navigated their diagnosis. Doing so gave them control over who to share this information with and when.

Conclusion

Navigating your son’s autism diagnosis is a journey that comes with many unique challenges, but also opportunities for resilience and connection. Please remember that how you and your family choose to talk about ASD is deeply personal and evolves over time—there is no single “right” way to proceed. As you move forward, please peruse both our resources and those of other trusted organizations and forge connections with professionals and other parents who understand and support your path. By equipping yourself with knowledge, fostering empathy, and cultivating a strong support network, you are taking important steps toward empowering both yourself and your son to better experience and navigate the chapters that lie ahead.

Reference cited above:

Crane, L., Liu, L., Davies, J., & Pellicano, E. (2021). Autistic parents’ view and experiences of talking about autism with their autistic children. Autism, 25(4) 1161-1167. https://doi.org/10.1177/1362361320981317

Reference for this article:

O’Connor, A., & Celiberti, D. (2025). Clinical Corner: How can I explain autism to my child, family, and friends? Science in Autism Treatment, (22)6.

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